We are Jakes family

What do you do when you are divorced and your child dies ? It’s simple , just because you are no longer married doesn’t change the fact that  you are both still parents . When you have children with someone it is forever and not just until the ink is dry on the divorce papers . Loosing a child is by far one of the hardest situations one will ever have to go through and it is at that time all bets are off and their are no sides to choose from and everything else fades away and you forget your differences and you stand side by side . I am very lucky in the fact that my ex husband Jeff  and I have a very good dynamic and co parent rather well . When I got the news that our son had passed I couldn’t bare the thought of calling him and telling him what I had just been told . Thankfully I have a amazing husband Monty  that swept me up and took control and stood in where Jeff and I couldn’t . He made so many phone calls and answered all of the questions that need answered . He helped raise Jake and he is just as much his son as ours reguardless of blood relation . I know he was hurting too and by some miracle he held it together when we couldn’t . Being divorced can be hard where your children are concerned but when it comes to the tough stuff everyone is family , by that I mean myself , Monty , Jeff and Mandi all sat in a room talking about the decisions that had to be made and at that moment we were all family , not Jakes mom and her new  husband and Jakes dad and his new wife ,  but family .  we are  ALL Jakes parents and are  all  dealing with a tragedy . There is no animosity , arguments or power struggles amongst us . Some may think we have a odd realtionship but it works . We have family get togethers or other functions and it isn’t wierd , it is normal !! I have kept their son overnight numerous times  so they could have a night out and others think that is odd but not me , it is how we operate . I see other families that have so much hatred and drama and it just isn’t worth it . The other half of the divorce is still your childs parent and it is much better for your children  to not have the awkward ” child of divorce”  stigma  plauged upon them  . They deserve to have a “family” that loves them reguardless of how they are related . One thing I can say about going through this is that it has brought us all closer and Jeff and I have a whole new respect for one anothers feelings . I just wanted to explain how a family of divorce has coped with the loss of our son and  to reassure others that it can be done . I hope there are more families like ours that have conquered the taboo and get along as we do and haven’t givin into the stereo type of divorced parents with children .  If you are a divorced family and have not yet learned how to make it work please take notes and do it for your kids . They deserve it and so do you . Hug your kids tight and tell them you love them everyday and remember the person you had children with was once your choice and that choice was a lifetime commitment reguardless of how long that lifetime may be.

Jakes “Family”