Monthly Archives: August 2016
The field is all grown over and ready for the next season as if nothing had ever happened . The memorials are all still there as reminders of all of the friends and family that miss you and have come to visit . The scenery there is so peaceful and the golden wheat field that is protected by a guard of strong trees watching over the land . The last time I was there I looked around and searched for something familiar to make me feel close to you and after a long and hard look I realized that nothing on that dirt road or in that field was ever going to bring you back and you were already home with us and will always be . I find the most comfort when I see the coins you leave and the birds that are on the wires and when I walk by your pictures . I love talking about you and to hear your name mentioned in a crowd . All of your friends have all been amazing to us and hve stepped in to be sure Daisy is ok and protected . I have watched the videos of you a hundered times just to hear your voice and I am doing my best to help other people with your story . You truly are an inspiration to alot of us and I could not be more proud of you . I swear I have heard your voice and I can’t wait to hear it again . Some say that humans have a sixth sence and I truly believe that now . I know you are around me all the time and I can’t help but laugh whenever I see things that I know you are involved in . Daisy does a very good job of folding my mirrors in whenever she walks by them . I am getting stronger everyday and I can totally handle this with you be my side and I thank you for the strength . They say time heals all but they lied , it doesn’t heal it just get more tolerable on certain days and other days still take my breath away . I will without a doubt figure out what to do next and in the mean time stick by me kid and lets do this together . I love you and keep making your presence known and when you see me struggle put your hand on my shoulder and I’ll know that you are there . Fly high my boy and I’ll see you again . Love, mom
As the mom of a boy I know the struggle of sweaty hair and stinky feet . I always joke that little boys smell like wet dogs . They run and play as kids and and if not watched closely they will probably wear dirty underwear or socks to school . Jake is one the “boyest” boys I know , always stinks like sweat and as he grew up the sweat smell was traded for grease and diesel fuel as he walk arond in his muddy cowboy boots and dirty ballcap . His truck has a very distink smell that is all his own to where every hoodie he owns now smells like it . When he was a little boy I spent endless hours cleaning his dirty handprints from every light switch and door frame or even walls and I always complained . As a man he has now left a pattern of greasy handprints on every flat surface he touched at my house and his and it wasn’t until I no longer had anymore handprints to clean did I miss them the most . Of course the smells are missed also and when I climb up into his truck and I smell him it makes me smile . I still have hoodies that haven’t been washed and they are comforting to me at times but for some reason those dam greasy handprints are what I miss the most . Had I known then what Iknow now I wouldnt have cleaned that last set off of my walls , instead I woudl have left them so that I could always see them and shake my head as I have for 20 years now after he touches everything after working on his truck or just when he is stinky Jake . I guess the moral of the story is let them leave dirty handprints on your walls and the edge of every door rather they be 4 years old or 20 years old let them be boys . I have a very special set of greasy handprints that I will forever treasure and I will never complain about it again . Those handprints are memories in the making and some day when they are grown and gone you will miss them . Don’t sweat the small stuff . if they want to run through the mud and ruin a brand new pair of tennis shoes its ok . frustrating yes , but still ok you will laugh about it later . If they break the front window throwing a ball just be glas they weren’t hurt and of course punish them but remember they are kids and learning to grow up . Jake on the other hand has been honery from day one and as a 20 year old grown ass man he acts like a child some days and now I know that that is ok also , Don’t take everyday so seriously and allow some things to slide and pick our battles . Not everything has to be crucial . Please take my advice knowing what we are going through and how close Jake and I are . If I could go back now and redo a few things I would but I can’t . The next time you see a set of greasy handprints on your wall remember that mine are all gone and smile at the memory that was made while they were getting so dirty . The next set of muddy boot prints on your kitchen floor are from them following some adventure and not lookin down at and worrying about the mud , just having fun . The stinky boy setting next to you on the couch will soon be a grown man and you will miss the little things so don’t push them away now be thankful that you have them . Until next time I am wishing all of you many more greasy handprints and dirty floors .
may 15, 2016 is the day my life completely changed permanently. My brother, Jake Kinney, was In a rollover accident which ended his life. because you failed to take a curve going too fast, you took my absolute best friend from me. now who’s supposed to walk in my house out of no where and ask me to help him with something, or take me on Arby’s dates, or take me drifting the dirt roads while singing stupid songs. Jake was supposed to dance with me at my wedding, cheer for me as I walked across the stage to graduate, be the best uncle he could be. So many things were taken from him. He was supposed to get a good job that he loved, have a family with the love of his life, have he most beautiful wedding you could ever imagine and see his gorgeous bride walk down the isle to him. he deserves to know how that feels. it kills me to know I’ll never hear him walk in my room and call me dbag and smack me around. we will never take trips to hutch anymore. what hurts to most is that I will never be able to hear his high pitched laugh that I loved. no matter how mad or sad I was, if I heard that laugh I automatically laughed too. it kills me knowing I will never see my best friend/ big brother again. I can’t picture my life without him.
I have been writing letters to Jake and not posting them anywhere , Instead I would write them and delete after I had read them a few times . But in my efforts to help others with grief I thought I would make a “letters to Jake” tab in the menu bar where I could post them here and may inspire others to write to their loved ones . It really does help me . The reason for the back story is because we have a very odd sense of humor sometimes and there are things we say that could be concidered inside jokes . For instance I have always told all of our kids individually that they are my favorite. They could all be in the same room together and they would all get the exact same text that said “your my favorite ” and they all caught on to it really quick . So to this day it is a thing . Jake would spend his evenings mostly at our house during the week with his dogs Toby and Ryker while he was waiting for Jaden to get off of work . He some how came up with a “how was your week ?” which simply meant meet him at the kitchen counter for a toast and a shot . And it turned out to be not just once a week . I am writing this so that if and when you read any of the letters you will understand the references . His truck is of course Kaitlyn . His racing number is 143 and his sisters are Daisy and Paige and Spencer is his brother . I am his mom Teffanie and his step dad is Monty . The “woman” I have spoke about is Jaden and his dad and step mom are Jeff and Mandi and her son is Kyler . He has a few coined phrases he is known for , “bitch I might” or “pussy won’t” are just a couple and I would apologize for the language but if you know Jake that’s who he is . If at any time there is anything you don’t understand or have questions by all means leave me a comment and I will always answer. I probably won’t be sharing each letter each time but I hope you will remember to check for new ones whenever you visit . I hope this may help you understand the conversations a little and I thank each one of you for visiting the website !!
Jakes Mom .
To the man who took Jake and myselfs future, this one is for you.. May 15th, 2016 around 1:00 am I was a happy girlfriend, happily taken by a man I had been with for 4 years. A man who is my best friend, my other half. Happily in love with this handsome man I met at a small hotel in Winfield, Ks for a motocross race, the man I first spotted when ran up and held the door for me as I was carrying in my luggage, the man little girls set on my feet while Jake set on the stairs and forced me to talk to because I thought he was so cute but didn’t have the guts to talk to, and I couldn’t be more happy they did. At 1 am I was a girlfriend who just knew that even though I was working a double, I’d go home and rest when I got off at 6:00 am, when he got home, he’d come jump on me and wake me up like he always did for Sunday family breakfast at 9:00 am. I was a girlfriend who knew one day I’d become the Mrs. Jake Kinney. We had a gorgeous home, 2 dogs who are our children and that we never left the house without, Tobi Marshall Kinney and Ryker Dakota Kinney. At 1:00 am we still had so many plans ahead, 2 children, Addilyn Rose Kinney and Brantley Dale Kinney. Though we weren’t officially engaged, we were determined on getting married Fall of 2018. At 1:00 am, OUR future was perfect. But 30 short minutes later, YOU took that perfect future with the most perfect bearded man away. My best friend was gone. 8 hours later, I’ll never forget the cry I heard from his mother as we found out the news. I’ll never forget my Facebook news feed blasted with news articles stating “Great Bend man in roll over accident”, I’ll never forget the “RIP” posts with the love of my life’s name posted next to it. You ruined not only his life, but mine. Instead of sitting happily in our living room with my man and our 2 baby boys cuddled up watching fishing shows, I’m sitting here writing this letter on my bedroom floor with tears in my eyes with 2 confused puppies not knowing where their daddy is. 2 baby boys who perk their head up still 3 months later when they hear a diesel truck, hoping its their daddy. 2 little boys who run to my phone everytime I play a video with their daddys voice in it. Instead of planning a future, I sit here knowing I’ll never get to walk down the isle and see Jakes face. I’ll never get to see his facial expression as he sees our first born. I’ll never get to see him build his dream race truck. And I’ll never get to wake up to him pulling me closer, saying “good morning my beautiful lady.” I stay strong because I know Jake would be so pissed off, and he would tell me “wipe those tears and suck it up.” Though I know you didn’t do this purposely, and I understand accidents happen, you tried to take his pride and dignity and blame him in attempt to save yourself. To the man who took my future, the love of my life, Tobi and Rykers daddy, and my world from me, I will see you soon. I will see you and look you in the eye every single court date, I hope you can see the pain you caused, and the lives you effected. Take care.
– Mrs. Jaden Michelle Kinney
Please never drink and drive, you never know the lives you will effect and the damage that’s possible when you get behind the wheel.
In the wee hours of May 15 , 2016 my son , your friend ,was killed in an accident in which your truck left the road and rolled several times . I understand fully that accidents do happen but what I don’t understand is how you know Jake lost his life and in an attempt to protect yourself you made statement that Jake was the driver and after a full investigation we all know now that that is not true . You were driving . My son is defenseless and you tried to disgrace his name to benefit yourself . I will never forgive you , instead I will use my anger as strength. You can not break me , I am strong . I have chosen to be Jakes voice from now on and I will be in every court room that you are in and I hope you can look me in the eye . I now know more details than I did when I was weak and emotional and now my anger could fuel a fire so I hope you are ready . I will set quietly beside you and listen to your words and allow the court system to do it’s duty and trust that they will bring justice to Jake . What you don’t know is how you have affected our lives . Allow me to explain . Jake is my first born child and he has taught me what unconditional love as a mother means . He is my first true love as I have never loved anyone so deeply and without judgment or regret until I had children . He will never get the chance to have his own children and as the last Kinney male his sir name may now not be carried on . You took from us the chance to ever tell him we love him or to wish him a happy birthday . His sisters and brother now have to speak to their brother through photos and hold on to memories as that is all they have left . Jake will never get married or have the chance to see his bride in her gown coming down the isle to him . We will never dance at his sisters wedding . He will never see his sister graduate or get the chance to be the cool uncle every child deserves. He will not be at our dinner table at Thanksgiving dinner and there will be no presents under our tree with his name on them beings he can’t be there . His little sister can’t call on her big brother when boys break her heart or needs some brotherly advice . As simple as it may seem , his dogs are confused as to why their dad isn’t coming home or not taking them for rides in his truck . No more family vacations or cookouts for him . I won’t be getting the mothers day wishes he always gave me . I wake up every morning and the first thing on my mind is my son and throughout the day I don’t ever get to call him or recieve the random text from him that make me smile . Our lives have forever changed and it seems to you he is just another guy you used to know . I’m sorry for your family that now have to be without you because of your actions , they don’t deserve that but you made that decision for them . A parent should never have to lose a child and I know now the immense pain and literal heart break that come with that and I would not wish this on anyone . You now have to live with the fact that he is gone and that is never going to leave you and I can not say that I am sorry for that . As I go through life missing him and wishing he were here I will remember you and be thankful that Jake wasn’t the one that took your life so that your mother doesn’t ever have to feel the way I do everyday . I raised a dam good man and I am so very proud when I see the emormous amout of support we have and all of his friends flying their flags and remembering our son with the stickers on their windows in his honor . We must have done something right for him to have made such an impact on so many peoples lives . I wish you the best and that is all I am willing to do at this point . I’ll see you soon .
Jakob Dakota Kinney was born October 14 , 1995 in Tulsa Oklahoma . Growing up he was always the class clown and of course we were on first name basis with every principal he ever had . He always played sports as a kid including football and baseball and at 16 he got into motocross , You will see the reference to #143 many times throughout the website as that is his racing number. I’m not sure which of us loves the track more he or I , the sounds and the smell of race fuel and the early morning loading of the bike and heading out was always a great time and watching the boy race is so nerve racking and scares me to death but he loves it so I sacrifice the grey hair . Jake grew up with a younger sister who he tortured and pretended to be a hard ass but I would dare anyone else to treat her bad or say a harsh word because he will go beast mode to protect her . His dad and I divorced and he inherited a older brother and a another sister , you would have thought they all grew up together from day one , they are a team and everyone knows it . His dad has remarried and there is a much younger little brother there that just adores Jake , He is so kind and patient with kids it is amazing to watch , he is such a hard ass but again such a softy . You will notice I don’t speak of Jake in past tense , I won’t . He is still my son and just because I can no longer physically touch him or talk to him changes nothing for me . Growing up Jake has made some amazing friends over the years and they are now very close to our hearts and have all rallied around to make sure our family is ok and for that we are forever greatful . Personally it helps me to be around his friends as they all remind me of him each in their own way . He also has a longtime girlfriend who is his “woman” they have been together for years and you can’t say one name without associating one with the other , the have 2 dogs which I call my grand dogs . You will also notice I have not disclosed any names until I full permission from everyone involved and then I will so you can put a name with a face with all of the pics that are coming . He has a truck that is basically his child which he named Kaitlyn ( his baby girl but she still has balls like Kaitlyn Jenner ) . The sound of a diesel truck makes my heart happy everytime . After Jakes service we had a line that went for miles and so many black marks at the intersections all the trucks flying their flags it truly was an awesome site to see . Every parent is biased when it come to their kids and of course they should be , but the number of people there to show their respect was phenomenal . Jake is so kind and giving to everyone he meets he doesn’t care your financial status , gender , or sexual preferance as long as you are kind to him he is your friend and will be the first one there if you are ever in need of anything . His heart is huge . The boy always smells like diesel fuel in his dirty jeans with his boots an greasy ball cap and too this day it is one of my favorite smells that instantly brings Jake to mind. There was a huge celebration of Jakes life after the service complete with a huge bonfire just like Jake would have wanted , no tears just friends and family enjoying the night . The week after everything had calmed down a great group of people that run a group called the Kansas Diesel Crew which Jake was a part of (basically a community of diesel owners that all share a passion and talk about truck stuff ) they formed a memorial cruise in Jakes honor and trucks , cars , motorcycles basically anyone that knows Jake was welcome to join and they started at the base point and drove out by “Jakes Place” ( as I call the accident scene as to not say the words crash or accident ) and then they all came by my house where I waiting for the motorcade to come down my street and the diesels just kept coming and they all had their flags flying and the all left me nice dark burn outs in front of my house and they are still there to this day and if they ever start to fade all I have to do is call and they will gladly come and leave me some more ! My neighbors were all outside watching the trail of vehicles and there was not a dry eye on the block . That is a slight look into the man my son is I hope you can get an idea or maybe you even know him and can attest to my words about him . I am excited to continue to share our story with you and if you like the website please sign up for the email subscription in the sidebar , you will only be notified when a new post goes up and nothing more . I will be sharing the link to the memorial cruise in the sidebar and tons of pics are being added to the photo gallery daily so be sure to check that out up in the menu bar . I hope everyone has a great weekend and be safe .
This blog is for my son … His name is Jake and he is forever 20 years old . He was takin far before his time by a car accident on March 15 , 2016 . Our family has struggled and will continue to do so until we find the peace that we need . Until then I will be Jakes voice and continue his story and do my best to carry on and reachout to others who know my situation all too well and may need someone in their corner as well . I would like to raise awareness for drunk driving and will be contacting many resources that I will pass along as well . Knowledge is power and I will do the leg work to help others to never feel like my family felt that Sunday morning when the dooorbell rang and we were told our son wasn’t coming home . Please be patient as this is a brand new blog page but I promise it will grow quickly ! I am hoping to reachout to other individuals who have lost a child and would love to offer my support as a listening ear or even just an email support group . If anyone is intersted please feel free to comment below and I will continue to work on this site and will post again soon .
Jakes mom Teffanie